Freethought Funnies

[NH Baritone]

Cheese Jesus of Milwaukee (most popularly known as Cheddar Jesus or Cheesus Christ) is a popular action figure sold by Pizza Hut. It is classed as a minor Jesii due to slightly undersatisfactory quantities of bejesus and, as such, can only perform seven minor miracles. However, that's still seven more than pepperoni can muenster ... er ... muster.

There were seven versions of the Cheesy Jesii, each able to perform its own miracle action. The versions are as follows:

• Cheddar Cheesus - savory original
• Edam Adam (and Eve) - sinfully delicious
• American Allah - exploding with flavor
• Gouda Buddha - mellow and mild
• Mozzarella Moses - pairs the red sauce
• Pepper-Jack Judas - sliced and spicy
• Savior Swiss - the holiest of cheesus
• Cheesus of Nazareth, Wisconsin

Cheddar Cheesus, preaching to the crackers.

(Copied shamelessly from http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Cheese_Jesus )

[spongebob]

Oh my freaking god!

[NH Baritone]

[Penguin]

Your "Finding Jesus" poster reminds me of this comic:

http://www.qwantz.com/archive/000128.html

[darkumbra]

If there was a hell... then a reservation would have been made for the two of you.
It would even be guaranteed late arrival.

[darkumbra]

beware the believers...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaGgpGLxLQw

lol warning

[NH Baritone]

Is There A God?

A large scientific organization in America (where else) decided
to pose the question to it's Hitech computer. "Is there a GOD".
After feeding in all relevant information available they
typed it in and waited. After a lot of hard disk searching
and the checking of all drives the computer went into an
eerie silence for a few hours and then started typing.

It's answer was "Insufficient data".

Not to be outdone the scientists in their infinite wisdom
started gathering information on God from the Worlds
libraries, archives, and archaelogy institutions. So much
information was assembled that it was decided that one
computer could not handle it all so all large computers
in the States were linked together for the operation.
Again the question was posed and all the computers went into
action. After three days the answer was forthcomming.

"Not enough resources to compute answer".

This time they were going to get an answer to an age old
problem and nothing would stop them. After months of
negotiations with governments around the world they were
able to link all the computers in the world together to
produce the ultimate computer. Nothing would stop them
now. Just to make sure they fed in all information even
remotely connected to God.

The information entered and all computers linked a
scientist typed in the question "Is there a God?".
The computer whirred into action checking all it's
drives and then linking with all the other computers.
After months of activity going from one computer to another
the computer started typing the answer and everybody waited
eagerly as it typed to the screen.

"There is now".

[NH Baritone]

OBJECTIVE: Ministries

http://objectiveministries.org/

I'm ALMOST certain that this site is satirical. Poe's law states:

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing

At Objective: Ministries, the winks are a bit obscure. Their links take you to real Christian websites. If, however, THIS is a real Christian site, then it is truly its own best parody.

For example, here an essay about "The Baby Jesus":

Firstly, what is the nature of the Baby Jesus? Put simply: The Baby Jesus is a temporal prosopon of the Logos hypostatic branch of the Trinity and is the conduit through which the circuit of Agape is grounded in Humanity. Like all the hypostases, the Baby Jesus is a fully integrated, homoousian manifestation of the Trinity, having two natures, both Infantile and Divine -- Baby and God.

Whereas the supra-adult Risen Christ provides us with Love and Care, it is through the Baby Jesus that we are able to return some small amount of the same, as His innocence elicits our purest emotions. Although Earthly Human love is relatively miniscule and thus cannot fully, or even substantially, repay His Love, God knows that without providing us this spiritual release valve, Humans experiencing even a small part of the Infinite Love contained within the Trinity would be so overwhelmed by guilt at being so infinitely unworthy as to be incapacitated, both physically and metaphysically.

The Baby Jesus transmogrifies the unfathomable vastness of Agape into something a Human can hold in his or her arms and care for. He is, if you will, a friendly user interface to the Holy Ghost. We see then that God had a Purpose for manifesting Himself on Earth natally instead of simply appearing in a fully adult form: The very existence of the Baby Jesus Himself is an act of Love and Caring, for by our being able to love and care for the Baby Jesus, we are able to safely share in God's Love and Care, thus completing the circle.

It is for this reason that we implore visitors to our site to not forsake the Baby Jesus. For without His Cooing Grace to Humanize the Awesome Infinitude of God's Love, those on the verge of accepting Jesus into their hearts may become confused and disoriented -- experiencing a sort of Agapic vertigo -- and fall prey to the many Internet predators working for Satan who seek to lead them astray. Many a potential Saved person has been lost for lack of proper focus on the Baby Jesus.

[Mr. Sluagh]

Yes, Objective Ministries is definitely a parody.

Oh, and this.

[StillSearching]

[NH Baritone]

To me, this is one of the funniest picture on the Internet.

[NH Baritone]

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.

He tiptoed through the living room but froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice said again.

The burglar, unnerved now, stopped dead again. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you 'Clarence'?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Doberman 'Jesus'."

[whoosanightowl]

NHB,
LOL! That one I'm going to copy and forward, thanks!

[NH Baritone]

[darkumbra]

Tsk tsk... not nice to point out fundamental problems with certain activities... It's considered rude and impolite by some.

On the other hand? We really should grab a beer together some day.

Cheers
DU