joekohr wrote:Only having considered myself an agnostic now for two weeks (although, I have been skeptical for quit some time), I think it might take maybe a year or so before I feel like I can talk about this with those around me. Me and my wife are still very involved in the church and are meeting new couples every week. I'm slow to bring up my skepticism with my wife. I feel like I'm hiding some devious secret. Last night our church had a couples night, and they talked about how you grow together as two people to become one. All I could think about, was what if one of them changes fundamentally, like I did. How can you grow as one, then?
I hope everyone around is supportive and is willing to accept you for you are. I definitely see the parallels between coming out as an atheist and coming out as being gay.
Kiwi wrote: And I still vote that it's better to live honestly with the people you love rather than hiding stuff from them. So it will all come out in the wash eventually, as they say.
Brad wrote:And I really appreciated NHB's thoughtful mini-bio - thanks for sharing that, NHB.
As it happens, I'm something of an expert on unrealistic marriage aspirations, but that's another story I don't have time to relate at the moment. I'll just say that I can easily trace at least some of the unrealistic expectations I had to my upbringing as a Christian. And also that, as some may be interested to know, I was married to an incredibly wonderful woman - as close to a saint (yet still lots of fun) as anyone I've ever known. Yet one of the things that led to me wanting a divorce was her adamant atheism. Now isn't that something!
NH Baritone wrote:Uh ... you're welcome?
Irony so thick you would need a chain saw.
Brad wrote:If I'm not mistaken, the whole notion of "two becoming one" is a religious / mystical construct - an unrealistic and ridiculous and demeaning one, at that. That's in no way to say that many married couples - especially older couples who have been married a long time - don't meld their lives in many very significant intentional and unintentional ways. But as a metaphysical or romantic aspiration, I think "2 into 1" is dangerous and just flat dumb.
joekohr wrote:there's still a sense of a family unit being cohesive. I don't know if I'm ready to change my thinking on this. I think that a family does have to have cohesion, even if that includes compromises. I don't think one spouse is half a person, but they are half of a family unit.
Kiwi wrote:So I now have 12 pages of testimony from my parents, six pages each, that explain why they believe in God. It is in fact very useful and informative and I find myself wondering why I haven't heard or read some of this stuff before. Well written, personal and non-confrontational. Dad didn't try to lodge arguments in favour of God, he simply wrote a spiritual autobiography. Mum responded to various points that I had written, slightly more forcefully than I am used to her being.
Kiwi wrote:That's a phenomenal post, Baritone, thanks. Compassionate, insightful and helpful. It's the sort of thing that justifies this forum needing to last forever in case some other new atheist might stumble upon it deep amongst the archives one day.
Cheers to you.
For those of you who were surrounded by devout and faithful believers when you made your transition to the dark side... how did it go? How long did it take you to 'fess up? What was the reaction?
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